you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
