it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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