so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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