he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
