I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
