I CAN MOONWALK!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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