I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
