do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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