Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
