every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
