i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
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