i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
