guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
