im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
