Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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