i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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