just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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