Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Michael Bay diarrhea
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
