erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
