Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
