I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
