So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You pole danced in your parka.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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