YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
