i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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