Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
