The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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