after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
