we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize