why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
