Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
