sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
