Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
