Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
