All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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