Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
