It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
