Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
