SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
