she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
