i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
