I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
