Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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