i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
