I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
