There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
