If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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