This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
