I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
