Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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