i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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