You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
