haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
