I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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