mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize