I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
