Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize