I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
