you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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