Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
