if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know her cup size but not her name....
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