Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My vagina is officially offended.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize