the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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