I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
