I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
