So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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