We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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