Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
