I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
