How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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