i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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