i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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