Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize