i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize
