i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
she peed on how many people?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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