I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
