I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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