I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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