Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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