I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
