just tell him i said nine months
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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