Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
