I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
