im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You pole danced in your parka.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
