I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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