There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
