We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
