My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize