apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
