yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
