New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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