you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
