I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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