We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I FOUND THE LEGS
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
