Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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