Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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