I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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