I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
