i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
