One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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