you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
