btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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