Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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