He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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