She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
