i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
